Imagine if cats held their own Summer Olympic Games. Feline competitors would train all year long for their one moment of possible glory.
The Balance Beam:
The balance beam can be performed on stair banisters, fireplace mantles, window ledges and the backs of sofas. Extra points are earned for for hazardous conditions. Points are deducted for knocking over of plants or ornaments.
This team sport requires a group of 4-6 felines who gather in one spot, preferably a sofa or bed, and choreograph their sleeping positions.
Reciprocal Ear Washing:
Played much like a tennis match, two opponents take turns washing each other’s ears.
Extra points if you can do this on the human’s bed, in the middle of the night when they are sleeping. Bonus points if you arrange yourselves near their heads.
Rug Swimming/Couch Swimming:
The extra points in this competition come when your claws are particularly sharp and the rug or couch in question is either brand new or very old and valuable.
In this sport, the individual cat must attempt to climb to the top of a curtain. Extra points for sharp claws and expensive or irreplaceable curtains; additional bonus points come when you get yourself trapped on top of the curtains and force your humans to go to the garage and get out the step ladder. Outdoor cats can compete in this event using trees or rooftops, scoring especially well if the Fire Department is called.
The fly in this game can be real or imaginary; there are bonus points as follows:
- 5 points for each caught fly.
- 10 points for half eaten fly..
- 15 points for an imaginary fly that gets your human so concerned he looks for the fly swatter.
The Kentucky Derby:
Run up and down a long hallway (preferably uncarpeted), with your claws extended. Extra points for simultaneous yowling, especially when the humans are asleep.