These are strict, unbending rules for dealing with stray cats in our household…
- Stray cats will not be fed.
- Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food.
- Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.
- Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.
- Stray cats will not be encouraged to make this house their permanent residence.
- Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.
- Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.
- Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time.
- Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except at certain times.
- Stray cats will not be allowed inside the house except on days ending in “y.”
- Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
- Stray cats will not be permitted to jump up on, or sharpen claws on the really good furniture.
- Stray cats may be permitted on furniture but must sharpen claws on new $259.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post with three perches.
- Stray cats will answer the call of nature outdoors in the dirt.
- Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact plastic tray filled with Fresh n Sweet kitty litter.
- Stray cats will answer the call of nature in the hooded litter pan with a three-panel privacy screen and plenty of head room.
- Stray cats will sleep outside.
- Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
- Stray cats will sleep in the house.
- Stray cats will sleep in a cardboard box lined with an old blanket.
- Stray cats will sleep in the special Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic lambs wool pillow.
- Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.
- Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.
- Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed under the covers.
