NEWS BULLETIN: Recently a scary new disease has been identified by scientists working world-wide. They are calling it Acquired Feline Obsessive Syndrome (AFOS).
We are asking all our readers to check yourself and your loved ones to see if you have contracted this dreaded disease. At first, AFOS was originally considered to be psychological in nature, but after two young researchers suddenly decided to become cat show breeders, scientists decided that AFOS was indeed an infectious condition.
Epidemiologists have identified three stages of this disease and there are some very typical symptoms associated with each stage.
- You think that any show within 300 miles is nearby.
- You begin to enjoy getting up at 5 a.m. in the morning to clean and feed the cats.
- It is fun to spend several hours a day grooming cats.
- You think you’re being frugal if you spend less than $3,000 a year on shows.
- You can’t remember what it was like to have just one cat.
You definitely have acquired the disease if:
- Your most important factor when buying a car is how many carriers you can fit in it.
- When you look for a house, the first thing you think of is how many cats you can keep on the property.
- Your cat food bill is higher than your family’s.
- You spend as much, if not more, on veterinarians as on your own doctors.
- You have no money because of showing cats.
- You have more pictures of the cats than of your family.
- Your idea of a fun vacation is to hit a show circuit.
- Most of your conversations revolve around the cats.
The last stages of this dreaded disease sadly mean your case is terminal.
- You wake up in the morning and find out that you put the kids in the stud room and the cats in the beds last night.
- You know each cat’s name and pedigree, but can’t figure out who that stranger in the house is; it turns out to be your spouse.
- Your neighbors keep insisting that those kids running around your house bothering the cats are yours.
- You cash in the kid’s college trust fund to campaign the cats.
- You’ve been on the road showing cats so long that you can’t remember where you live.
- Your family tells you “It’s either the cats or us”; you choose the cats.
- You trade your wedding ring in for a ring that has the profile of your breed on it.